Demolition

It's looking more and more like Clint will be doing a 30-something It has been confirmed, that Clint is doing 45 date national tour with Griffin House! He did a similar length tour earlier this year and in the span of 4 weeks I managed to:

• cut down 3 trees with a chain saw
• paint two rooms
• moved the dining room into the spare room
• made myself a salon where the dining used to be

There's no telling what all home improvement will go down in his absence this time around. Maybe I'll actually manage to fix my porch which is still jacked up from Halloween...

But back to the point..

I'm super excited for him. He's going to be playing good music with other great musicians (Jeff Irwin is also going), and he's going to get to play all over the US.

Tour Dates booked so far:

1/15/2009 - Boulder, Colorado @ B Side Lounge
1/17/2009 - Salt Lake City, Utah @ Kilby Court
1/19/2009 - Portland, Oregon @ Doug Fir
1/20/2009 - Seattle, Washington @ The Triple Door
1/22/2009 - San Francisco, California @ Swedish American Hall
1/24/2009 - Los Angeles, California @ Hotel Cafe
1/25/2009 - San Diego, California @ Anthology
1/26/2009 - Phoenix, Arizona @ The Rhythm Room
1/29/2009 - Austin, Texas @ Stubb's BBQ (Indoor)
1/30/2009 - Dallas, Texas @ The Loft
2/2/2009 - St. Louis, Missouri @ Duck Room @ Blueberry Hill
2/4/2009 - Ann Arbor, Michigan @ The Ark
2/5/2009 - Madison, Wisconsin @ The Orpheum Stage Door
2/6/2009 - Minneapolis, Minnesota @ Varsity Theater
2/7/2009 - Chicago, Illinois @ Double Door
2/11/2009 - Grand Rapids, Michigan @ Intersection
2/12/2009 - LaSalle, Illinois @ Uptown Grill
2/13/2009 - Newport, Kentucky @ Southgate House
2/14/2009 - Muncie, Indiana @ The Living Room
2/19/2009 - Atlanta, Georgia @ Smith's Olde Bar
2/20/2009 - Birmingham, Alabama @ WorkPlay Theatre
2/21/2009 - Nashville, Tennessee @ Exit/In
2/25/2009 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania @ World Cafe Live
2/26/2009 - Vienna, Virginia @ Jammin' Java
2/27/2009 - New York, New York @ Highline Ballroom

I'm pretty sure I'm going to fly up for the Chicago gig at the middle of the tour and spend a couple days hanging out. Anyone have any good hotel suggestions?

Its been 3 years

We had a wonderful time on the cruise. The food was delicious, the drinks were plentiful, and we had beautiful weather the whole time. It was truly one of the most relaxing vacations I've ever been on. We read books, watched season 3 of 6 Feet Under on the mac, laid in the sunshine, and I even got a hot stones massage (awesome).





During the drive home we listened to For No One and we both talked about how it must be the saddest song ever written. The lines:


You stay home, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now he's gone
She doesn't need him

Your day breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head
You won't forget her

And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years


That night we got in bed and talked about how different our relationship is now - how we're getting along so much better, we feel at home with each other... etc., and we also talked about how our fears have changed. At this point in our marriage, my worst fears are that: I will not be able to express to Clint how proud I am of him, and how he impresses me so much still, and that even though I know him better than anyone else - I still think he is one of the coolest, smartest, and most thoughtful people on earth.

In the beginning I was so scared of myself. I am not so anymore. I still think there are depths to my ugliness which have not yet been discovered, but for the most part I feel well acquainted with all my facets and flaws. Instead of being scared that I will overwhelm Clint with all of my emotion, my greatest fear now is that I will underwhelm him. That we will stop trying to get to know each other, and pursuing those parts we hold back, that we will grow apart. I think that's mostly a result of some close experiences we've had these past few years.

She runs through my veins
Like a long black river
and rattles my cage
Like a thunderstorm
Oh, my soul
What does it mean?
What does it mean?
What does it mean to be so sad?
When someone you love
Someone you love is supposed to make you happy
What do you do?
How do you keep love alive?

I'm not so naive as to think that this phase will be any easier for us or that we are somehow immune to all the factors that make marriages fail. In fact, I think this phase will be more difficult than sorting through the rawness of being newly wed. Really digging in when you're so invested is terrifying - there is so much at stake. But I think if any two people can make it, it's me and Clint.



"Because I'm still in love with you, oh this harvest moon"

Chuck E Cheese's

Where a parent can also be a kid. A drunken, belligerent kid.

New Camera, ya dig?

Looking forward to getting more familiar with my Nikon D40 on our cruise.

Best.Christmas.Present.Ever.

I Was Born to Laugh

Sometimes we're just a laugh away from drowning in our own tears.

I am constantly reminded by those around me that our Community Group is not about dissecting some part of the bible, or sitting in a circle sharing "unspoken prayer requests", or intellectually/philosophically wanking off.

Its about providing a space and an atmosphere where people are free to sit in the shit, or to completely set themselves free and laugh for a little while. Life is hard enough. I think sillyness and banter gets written off as foolishness or an unstructured waste of time but I think it can be way more beneficial than discussing hermeneutics, apologetics, and even existentialist bullshit. It allows people to come up to the surface for a while, and perhaps to get a better view or what's really going on. I need that. Don't you?

Photos by: Me, T. Scott Carlisle, and Brian T. Murphy

To Every Season

Community is so beautiful. The man who thinks to himself that he can - or should, ever go it alone must be the biggest fool of them all.


To those who have showed up for me, and for Clint, and for my family in such a real way - Thank you.

There's Gold in Them Hills

I know it doesn't seem that way
But maybe it's the perfect day
Even though the bills are piling
Maybe Lady Luck ain't smiling

But if we'd only open our eyes
We'd see the blessings in disguise
That all the rain clouds are fountains
Though our troubles seem like mountains

There's gold in them hills
There's gold in them hills
So don't lose heart
Give the day a chance to start

-Ron Sexsmith

I hugged my brother this weekend

Burt and Haley surprised me and my mom this weekend when they drove in from Oklahoma. I hugged him for the longest time as the tears rolled down my face. It was a good cry and a good visit.

Thank You for Cruising with Carnival

To celebrate our 3rd anniversary, we’re doing a repeat of our honeymoon and taking another cruise. Hopefully this time I won’t have an allergic reaction to the bedding, be zonked out on Benedryl, there’ll be no sketchy cab drivers offering us drugs, and no one will scream at Clint to get some Bob Marley braids. I think its going to be a good one.

I'm hoping one day to take a cruise with a bunch of friends. Wouldn't that be fun?

Dogo Argentino

Um, what is this dog and why does it look EXACTLY like my dog?

Halloween Inspirado & Haircut

So I'm just going to spill it: for Halloween I'm dressing up as Britney Spears during her pre-conservatorship, 5150, Sam Lufti/Adnan Ghalib, gone crazazy pink wig , mental breakdown phase. It shall be glorious. Thought I would share with you some of my inspirado for said costume:

In other news, I cut my hair!




Trick or Treat, bitches.

Gideon is in the Drawer

I read this in the Wall Street Journal this morning and was stunned by how absolutely, soberingly true this statement is:

Real emotional intimacy may be frightening. "It's scarier to be emotionally vulnerable with your spouse than it is to go downtown at 3 a.m. and pick up a hooker. She can't hurt you if you don't care about her," he says.

Goodnight Hollywood Blvd

The house where I grew up is on the market. I don't know why, but that makes me a little sad. The new owners destroyed my favorite thing about this house: the beautiful maple tree in the front that I used to climb waiting on my dad to get home from work.

Before it belonged to my parents, this house belonged to my grandparents. When we first moved to Birmingham we lived there with them, and Burt and I shared a room. I can still remember him keeping me up all hours of the night with his endless chatter. He always was a nightowl.

I spent the day with my dad. I love my dad so much. I hate seeing how absolutely tired he is at only 53. As John Coffey, the healer from The Green Mile would say, he's "dog tired". Listening to him talk about his mother reminded me that we are all suffering from one end of the pendulum swing or the other, that balance is the greatest quest and I seriously doubt any of us will every find it. But we sure as hell can try. The stories he has shared with me over the past year have made everything clear to me: why he was always so passive with my mom, how he would run away from fights and ignored all the red flags when things were so bad. My heart wells up in sadness for him knowing the travails he has been through and seeing how they have made him lean so far to the side of avoiding confrontation at all cost. I don't justify these things, but I have so much more understanding and compassion for him than I did not so very long ago. He's no longer the hard, prideful, overbearing man that he once was. Now I see him as he really is: a broken man in need of some grace.


My brother called and apologized to me after almost a year of not speaking to me. Out of the blue he called me up and left me a message to call him back. Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw his number on my phone. I called him back and before he could get a word in I said, "The last time we spoke I told you I didn't want to speak to you until you were ready to apologize. Are you calling to apologize?"

It was quiet for moment, and then there was a quiet "yes" on the other end.

"Then what you need to do is hang up the phone, call Clint and tell him that you're sorry because what you did didn't just hurt me, it hurt him too."

And he did it. He called Clint and said he was sorry.

I can't tell you how many nights I would fall into Clint's arms and weep because I really believed I never would get that call. I was so convinced that it meant more to him to be right than to have me in his life. And then it happened.

And now? It's like nothing ever happened. And for that I am so, so thankful.

Today, even though I am completely apathetic towards God and Jesus: I am so very very thankful for my crazy, fucked up family.

Libby Welch = MMCLF

My mom dropped something off at my office today and I think every male co-worker I introduced her to looked her up and down at least once. One of them actually craned his neck to get a good look at her as she walked out the door and was like, "How old is she??"

All I gotta say is, women in my family have got the goods. I love this picture of my aunt Brenda taken back in the day.




. . .

If we had a Metro, I would totally take it everywhere

Yes, please

Trains & Sewing Machines

Tonight my sister in law Mandy, our friend Lauren, and Abby Westerhold came over to hang out and do a practice run for Mandy's wedding hair and make-up. We had fabulous night of color, cuts, cosmos, cookies, and cosmetics. Translation: girliness at its best.

Before:




After (I must admit I teared up seeing her all fixed up with her veil on):

Another Day, Another Hurricane

So we're supposed to go to the beach this weekend, and my mom calls to tell me that now we've finally emerged from the week long monsoon that was Fay, there's another storm on the way: Gustav


All I gotta say is, I'm gonna be pissed if my vacation gets cut short by a hurricane named Gustav.

life should be a straight line.

i don't think i really know what to think of that. my knee-jerk reaction is to disagree, that life should be about cycles and circles, that it should go on in some restless merry-go-round. how else would we remember? how else would we learn? i know that i am quick to forget. too quick for the things that matter, and very slow for the things that don't.

but really i don't know. i do know that 4 years ago i was in a pattern of destruction. a self-induced spiral of self-loathing and torment.

and then i watched someone i love breathe her last breath, and i knew from that moment i would never be the same. and i wasn't. i met clint the next month.

to live life in a straight line seems alluring for the false promise that we won’t have to relive those painful moments. It assumes that we can’t ever go back lest we be overwhelmed and overtaken, that in a sense we are owned by our baggage. And for bouts of time, sometimes I am. But underneath my shame and my guilt, my reluctance to rip off the old familiar scabs and pour on the salve, a voice comes to me and whispers “ the only pain is to feel nothing at all”.

sometimes at my lowest moments, when all my strength has been sapped my insatiable need for validation and love, I would say with earnest that life is two steps forward, three steps back.

But at my most peaceful, i'd say "it's getting better every day". i think somewhere, in a very small, hopeful corner of my heart i believe this to be one of the truest truths. i suppose that are the moments that matter: the hopeful ones.

i guess what I‘m trying to say is: I believe that life should move forwards in a series of circles, but its not all bad. there are lessons i am fleshing out every day that bring me back to those humble beginnings, when i had only begun to scratch the surface of my black heart. it is important for me to revisit these things, not to glorify them, or pay them tribute, but to remember what it felt like back then, in all its pain. i realize that these thoughts come from someone who is not in an abusive relationship. My strongest addictions are coffee, and chocolate, and maybe the familiar caress of my beloved.....but to me: life is a sweet cycle of struggle - one that i believe is making me stronger instead of tearing me down. making me talk when all i want to do is be left the hell alone. Making me apologize when I‘m terrified of losing. it's a different cycle - one that moves forward instead of digging in to those deep, comfortable tracks. one that is scraping out new earth with each rotation, never forgetting where it started, for its there that it can clearly see how far it has really come, and in that revelation there is hope.


Oh, and as a side note: I got my tattoo.

When I am Reticent at Best

I used to write music. When I was really, really down. It would pour out of me like sand from large gash in the side of a bag. It was all very angry, and yet never unforgiving. I have been more surprised at my capacity for forgiveness than most anything these past few years. I suspect that really has nothing to do with me, but some deep, instinctual need to be at peace (although I think Clint would claim I pick fights just for the hell of it sometimes… maybe I do). And yet it seems more than anything I have been warring with myself; a sordid battle, filling the inner crevices of my psyche with lies and weight that has swallowed up all my energy to be kind, be rational, and most of all: to forgive myself... sometimes even for things I haven’t done wrong.

Most times these days I’ll get a line out of whatever it is I’m feeling and it turns out Patty’s already done it. This is the song my soul is singing today.


Well a long night turns into a couple long years
and we’re walking around and around this trail of tears
Where the very loud voices of my own fears
are ringin' and ringin in my ear
It says that love is long gone
Every move I make is all wrong
Says you never gave a damn for me
For anything, for anyone

I just have this secret hope
That sometimes all we do is cope,
But somewhere on the steepest slope,
There's an endless rope
And nobody’s crying.

May you dream you are dreaming, in a warm soft bed
And may the voices inside you that fill you with dread
Make the sound of thousands of angels instead
Tonight where you might be laying your head

I wish you well... on your way to the wishing well...
Swinging off of those gates of hell
But I can tell how hard you're trying
I still have this secret hope....

Why I &hearts Pamela Anderson

Listen here, I don't care what anyone says: Pamela Anderson has got the goods. No, no... she's not just some blonde bimbette with a barbed wire tattoo around her arm, or a purveyor of trashtastic husbands. Pamela Anderson is just a great gal.

I know what you're thinking,

"Liz, surely you jest."

Oh no, I am dead serious. Here's just a few of the many reasons why I heart Ms. Pamela Anderson.


1) She is a great philanthropist.


Not only is she a strong supporter of the vegetarian lifestyle, she is a spokesperson for PETA, even going so far as to strip down for their "I'd rather be naked than wear fur" campaign and also calling out other celebrities such as Beyonce Knowles and J Lo for carrying items with fur in their clothing lines:



2) She has been known to take in a number of rednecks suffering from delusions of grandeur, even caring for them personally.



3) And lest we forget, if you're ever drowning: have no fear! Ms. Anderson is a certified lifeguard with built in flotation devices:



But let me tell you why I truly love Pamela Anderson....



She's just such a natural beauty!

What do you do?

When you finally get the phone call you thought would never come, but you're too terrified to know what exactly is waiting to be said on the other end? Turns out I'm just as scared to find out what is really in my heart when I go to open my mouth.

Maaah Buddy

My cousin Michael left for Eglin Air Force base in Pensacola, Fl. We had a lot of fun while he was in town watching Into the Wild and freaking out over Eddie Vedder, going to get our new dog Sadie, doing a little wardrobe shopping for his younger brother Lee and just kicking it really.

Been doing a lot of planning for my sister in law Mandy’s wedding. I’m hosting a Luau shower for her in a few weeks that should be a lot of fun. We’ve successfully managed to get her dress, pick out flowers, music, musicians, and location. I can’t believe the big day is a little over two months away!! It’ll be bittersweet though, as they’ll be moving to Jacksonville, NC where Adrian is stationed for the next two years or so and then maybe California after that. There’ll also be a trip to Iraq/Iran somewhere in there too.

Sadie girl is acclimating quite well to her new environment. Wilco took a few days to warm up to her though. We’ve been kenneling her at night (in Wilco’s old kennel) and the first night she woke us up crying. Upon further investigation I realized that Wilco (apparently trying to state his opinion of this new addition) had totally hiked his leg on the kennel and peed all over her!! He has since lightened up and the two seem like their bonding pretty well. It seems to have calmed Wilco down a bit, and has really made us appreciate what a good dog he is.

I’ve said this before, but GOD we have the best neighbors. Seriously, they’re way better than your neighbors. They’ve got a carpenter working for them doing some touch-up stuff on the house and I called Kristin one day to find out if she thought he could build us a deck and she says, “Well we’ve got a miter saw and a nail gun… we could always help you do it!” Since I last wrote about them graciously taking in the Home Depot Kitty, Miss Leila Rose (who is doing awesome btw) they have taken in two more pathetic, lost feline souls in need of bottle-feeding. I swear Kristin is like the Mother Teresa of all things cats, ferrets, and fishies. Their house is filled with all sorts of furry and scaly creatures. Heather recently brought Bain and Coulter by to meet Sadie and we went next door to visit and Bain stood in front of their 120 gallon salt water tank, marveling. Coulter meanwhile was quite content to chew on Miss Sadie’s ears. Fun times. But yeah, they seriously help us do everything. Not to mention, while Clint’s out of town they are always inviting me over to have dinner. More than that though, they’re just a good hang. Clint played at Bottletree last week and not only did they come out to see him, but they somehow finagled their 8 year old son through the door. I certainly don’t remember MY parents taking me to rock concerts when I was 8 years old. Pretty badass if you ask me.

Sadie Wells

Weighing in at 26lbs at only 13 weeks old, I'd say she'll be giving Wilco a whompin' in no time.

Security Systems

There's been a rash of break-ins and armed robberies in the Avondale area of the past few weeks. I was definitely concerned, poring over the email reports I was getting from neighbors all around us. Then last Wednesday night, someone broke into the house next door in the middle of the night. When I found out about it the next day, I promptly called Clint and said two things:

A) We are getting an alarm system installed ASAP

B) We are getting a dog that barks. Preferably one that also looks scary.

We're meeting a lady from ADT at the house in 30 mins and I'm on the hunt for one of these dogs:


Hopefully they will be smart enough to only attack intruders, and not bite my friends' faces off like this dog:



P.S. My friend Leigh was the one who reported the break-in next door to me after she was driving to work the next day and saw a sketchy man peering in my windows. She slammed on her breaks, jumped out of the car dialing 911 and screamed at the man asking what the fuck he thought he was doing. Turns out he was one of the workers from next door who'd had his equipment stolen and wanted to know if me or Clint had heard anything. Ooops! Still, I'm glad I have such a badass friend.

I'm Gonna Learn to Laugh through my Tears

It's been a long, sad week. But instead of even attempting to write about it, I will merely post some updated kitten pictures because I don't care who you are: a picture of a kitten next to a sparrow has got to warm your heart at least a little.

So I went to Home Depot Yesterday...

...and this is what I found. She was trapped in a hole in the middle of a pallet of paver stones, crying like hell. So what did I do? I got some help moving the stones, picked her up, and took her to a place I knew she'd be safe: my neighbors.


Weighing in at 6 ounces, Kristin seems to think she's somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks old.

My Tattoo

Which I will hopefully be getting soon.

Who's going to wear a sexy dress and have a Cosmo tomorrow night? It's me.

She's so heavy

In the middle of a conversation I was having this weekend I unwittingly articulated the reason behind something that had been bothering me for over a year now.

I had had a blowout, the deal breaking kind with someone whom I have loved for a very long time. Hard words were exchanged and the argument that followed was very ugly. I told this person that I didn’t like who they had become, or that they felt the need to lie about the person that they had become, and that I thought they were making a big mistake making a big life decision based on those lies or even feeling that their actions necessitated those lies at all.

What I got in return was: you’ve always been so open about your sin and I’ve always hated that about you. You never regret either, and I think you’re wrong not to. You should regret the things that you’ve done.

I ended up apologizing, as I should have. I was a bitch, and a judgmental one at that. My tone had been terrible and I had provoked some of the things that were exchanged.

So here I am a year later, just realizing why it is that I find myself reluctant to answer their calls or to pursue a relationship with them even though we‘ve technically patched things up.

It’s because they admitted to hating two of the things that define me as a person, and always have. It wasn’t that they hated something I had become, a habit I had picked up or a behavior that was detrimental - it was that they never really liked me as a person. They had actually hated me for some time.

Ouch. Took me long enough to add those up, right?

On a different note, a bit of bittersweet irony: my sister in law just got engaged two weeks ago and asked me to be her matron of honor. I could not be happier. Being a part of this family has been so healing for me. Mandy is the sister I always wanted.

Coincidentally my cousin called me last week to tell me my brother Burt got engaged. Not even my father’s pleas could stir him enough to pick up the phone to call and let me know.

I’ll take Mandy over Burt any day of the week, but wouldn’t it be nice if I could have both?

Mon Petit Chou

A particularly beautiful woman sat across from me recently sipping on blush wine and stealing puffs from someone else’s cigarette. She was talking about all the things she’s learned from her kids; how you going into it thinking of all the ways you’re going to teach your children the things you’ve learned in life, to impart on the them what wisdom you may have gleaned. But when it comes to that time in life where they’re thinking critically and struggling through life’s issues for themselves you realize: that wherever you are in life when you have your children, that’s where they will start out regardless of what you’re trying to teach them or not. That whatever you hold to be beautiful, and right, and true – that that is where they begin and they will build on those ideas for the rest of their lives.

On a warm spring evening a few days later I went to my safe place: a house tucked away on one of the quieter streets in crestwood. A dear from of mine was putting her two year old son to bed. He started to cry because he wanted a familiar object, his blanket, which she found and brought to him. But there was something else he needed, and wailed for it with tears streaming down his little face. No amount of searching could unearth this object. More tears ensued, accompanied with moans that signal that critical moment where normal crying goes into hysteria. I suddenly I remembered what it felt like to cry like that. Instead of reacting with impatience or anger, or even the slightest hint at frustration, the mother bent down and scooped her son into her arms cradled him and I heard her say in a voice like sugar, “I can’t find it buddy. I’m so sorry. I know that you’re so disappointed and it’s ok. I’m so sorry you’re disappointed.”

I realized that I too, had started to cry.

My friend came and sat facing me in her chair, and noticing my wistful expression said to me, “I just want him to always feel like he’s been heard, and that even at his young age that his feelings matter.”

I sat and wept on her sofa for the next two hours.

There is so much beauty all around me, and I feel as though some blinders have been lifted from my eyes and I am just now able to see it although I know it has always been there. Beautiful, strong, kind women fumbling through this rite of passage known as motherhood with no more to guide them than their instinct and the fellowship of others who have already walked this road. I feel that their presence in my life is having a softening effect, and for the first time I am not fighting it but basking in the promise that one day I will be a kinder, more hopeful woman. I long for this day.

A Birthday Extravaganza

We had a special community group last night to celebrate birthdays for Josh (4/22), Angel (5/05), Jim (5/13), and Abby (5/15). We had all kinds of food, dessert, and about a zillion bottles of wine. Even Kelly made it in from Mobile to hang. It was a great night. Thanks to Paul Canzoneri for getting some good pictures despite the fact that our crazy tall ceilings absorb nearly every iota of light.