I had had a blowout, the deal breaking kind with someone whom I have loved for a very long time. Hard words were exchanged and the argument that followed was very ugly. I told this person that I didn’t like who they had become, or that they felt the need to lie about the person that they had become, and that I thought they were making a big mistake making a big life decision based on those lies or even feeling that their actions necessitated those lies at all.
What I got in return was: you’ve always been so open about your sin and I’ve always hated that about you. You never regret either, and I think you’re wrong not to. You should regret the things that you’ve done.
I ended up apologizing, as I should have. I was a bitch, and a judgmental one at that. My tone had been terrible and I had provoked some of the things that were exchanged.
So here I am a year later, just realizing why it is that I find myself reluctant to answer their calls or to pursue a relationship with them even though we‘ve technically patched things up.
It’s because they admitted to hating two of the things that define me as a person, and always have. It wasn’t that they hated something I had become, a habit I had picked up or a behavior that was detrimental - it was that they never really liked me as a person. They had actually hated me for some time.
Ouch. Took me long enough to add those up, right?
On a different note, a bit of bittersweet irony: my sister in law just got engaged two weeks ago and asked me to be her matron of honor. I could not be happier. Being a part of this family has been so healing for me. Mandy is the sister I always wanted.
Coincidentally my cousin called me last week to tell me my brother Burt got engaged. Not even my father’s pleas could stir him enough to pick up the phone to call and let me know.
I’ll take Mandy over Burt any day of the week, but wouldn’t it be nice if I could have both?
6 comments:
I think there's a difference between regret and remorse and also between being open about sin and boasting about it, but that's a whole 'nother post, I guess. I can't imagine hating the fact that a person is open about their sin... I strongly believe that if said person took a long, hard look at things, they would probably, in fact, hate that they themselves aren't open as they should be. That's just my opinion, of course. Great post.
yes, having both would be lovely.
and it will happen. perhaps sooner than you expect.
danielle - i agree, but to this person, remorse and regret are the same thing. we've argued about the difference more times than i care to count.
btm - i hope so.
It kills me that Burt is so nasty to you. I am really sorry. All I can say is that I thank God for you all the time. We both have those family memebers. Ones that are related to us, but sometimes we wish they weren't. Maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if they were people we could write off. But they are family. You can't choose your family.. you have to accept them for who they are and love them despite the urge not to. Things will get better. For both of us. I believe that. It's just not happening when we want it to happen. Wouldn't it be nice to just snap and everything be OK? No more anger or hurt. Just healing wounds and a new start? We will get it. Give it time. Pray. I love you, sista. :)
I have a quote in my office that says, "Friends are the family you create for yourself." I find it fitting.
- Abs
Abs - Indeed :)
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