Love is Hell

I’ve been listening to this record all morning, over and over. About 3x to be exact; and I swear I feel like I’m peeking through some portal of what must have been running through Clint’s mind in those first few months we were together. So raw and honest… it really digs into the insecurities he [Adams] has a man, a partner, and just a human really.

I’ve always loved “I See Monsters”. If it came on right now I could sing you all the lyrics, but I really thought about them today as I was listening.

“When she calls I know that she’s the one. Makes me want it harder, makes me want to be a little stronger. Still I see monsters…”

We’ve struggled so much with what we call our “ghosts”. Those heavy haunts of family baggage and past relationships that make you act crazy when really all you want to do is make someone like you. We hit a lot of Clint’s “ghost” issues pretty early on in the relationship. I remember at that time how much Clint was listening to this record and he put a couple songs on a mix CD for me to hear but I just didn’t quite grasp their significance. Not until this morning that is.

I love art that makes you feel like you’re looking at a snapshot from someone’s brain. It can be something so small, but it represents such a host of emotion and history. To listen, to read, to take it in is like living a moment in someone else’s life. For that moment you can understand clearly the things that were driving them to their ultimate actions. What an incredible connection.


“She comes apart in the avalanche.
Fades out like a dance.
Crawls back into bed when it’s over. ..
They taught you how to feel, but you just feel numb” -Avalanche


“She started freezing, lungs are collapsing
The momentum is passing, but the moment is eating us whole
We're surrounded
Put the guns in the water, they're turning to vodka
Triggering nothing we're sinking the sea takes the ship
And I'm really dying in here
I'm really dying in here
I'm afraid. No I'm scared.” -Afraid Not Scared


“Most people never find the love
Sometimes you just cant be a man
When your living in the darkness
Of the shadowlands” -The Shadowlands