Progress

Wonder where it went
Easy days when asked what
Was my struggle, and blithely
With shrugging shoulders
I would say, nothing

Years it took to purge
Bullshit answers and law
Find rest in questions and doubt
So much healing but
Still a refugee

With rueful longing
Steal subtle glimpses, times
I allow myself to hope,
To revel in joy
As much as sadness


As I lay in bed last night, I heard a train groaning as it made its way across the tracks. It made me think of Dewayne Wood and the kind of man he was teaching my husband to be before he died. It made me think about Steve and how he made Red Mountain such a safe place for me. It made me think of how sometimes I think people draw near to Brian Murphy, Cal Morris and Clint because of some unseen magnetism. Its a knowledge without answers, and a patience that grows and long-suffers. Its love, and it is so much more than most can bear.

I'm sitting at my desk today and all I can think is that I only have a few more hours until I can hang out with Heather Morris. She is one of a small group of people on this earth that mere proximity makes me feel understood, heard, and even saner. Heather told me that when she first met me she didn't like me. I love that. I asked her what turned her around, and she said it was my honesty. The more I think about all the relationships in my life that are so precious to me, I realize that they were all born out of unabashed honesty - and I really really like that.

That's all for now. Just trying to get out a longing that just won't let me go. 3 more hours.