Love is the Answer, and You Know That for Sure

I listened to the most depressing songs in a row (I think ever) last night. For about 2 hours I walked around my house taking a mental inventory of every ache, feeling all the sadness to a soundtrack of Love is Hell, 1,000 Kisses, and All That You Can't Leave Behind.

Sometimes you just gotta let yourself bleed you know?

And then when I was done, I started organizing. Because that's the natural progression of pain right?

My world has been in a zillion different directions lately. I have been doing a lot of lying to myself about how much I would miss Clint and how sad I am that he's going to be on the road. Why do I do that? I'm trying to be "strong" for him and all I end up doing is collecting sorrow and hurt until I explode.

And why does being strong look like not telling him I'm going to miss him or showing even a hint of sadness?

This is one of my more ingrained pieces of baggage [read: bullshit] that continually irks me even though we've gone through these steps a dozen times.

But what can you do? You explode into the loving arms of your husband for the zillionth time. He holds you as you cry and tells you its ok to be sad. You feel that sting of embarrassment for falling apart. But then you realize that you're married to a wonderful man who is there to pick up all the messy pieces and you think - maybe I will remember this next time.

Maybe.