I have this thing that I do, or sometimes just want to do and don’t do even though I want to REALLY bad. Pretty much as long as I can remember I have wanted to save people. This is not in the “saving the soul” kind of sense, but more saving people from making bad decisions. I realize that this facet of my personality, while [sometimes] good intentioned, can have terrible repercussions.
The thing is, I’ve been a pretty shady person at times. I’ve done some things that I would not suggest anyone else on the earth duplicate, but I’ve never really called them mistakes. I really believe that if you come out of a situation wiser, then it really wasn’t a mistake; maybe not the smartest shit you ever did, but not a complete waste. Well the older I get, the more I find myself hoping that by sharing my past experiences with people, I can somehow save them from making the same poor decisions. This never works.
I am realizing that people NEED to make poor decisions, they need to fall, need to pick themselves back up again, and all they REALLY need from me is an open ear and a shoulder to cry on when shit gets hard. Thinking back, that’s all I wanted when I was in the thick of all my craziness. Why can’t I just accept that?
The thing is, I’ve been a pretty shady person at times. I’ve done some things that I would not suggest anyone else on the earth duplicate, but I’ve never really called them mistakes. I really believe that if you come out of a situation wiser, then it really wasn’t a mistake; maybe not the smartest shit you ever did, but not a complete waste. Well the older I get, the more I find myself hoping that by sharing my past experiences with people, I can somehow save them from making the same poor decisions. This never works.
I am realizing that people NEED to make poor decisions, they need to fall, need to pick themselves back up again, and all they REALLY need from me is an open ear and a shoulder to cry on when shit gets hard. Thinking back, that’s all I wanted when I was in the thick of all my craziness. Why can’t I just accept that?
4 comments:
it's like I wrote recently...sitting and being with people is much harder than it sounds. to not offer advice or words, especially when you have good and wise things to offer, is really difficult.
and awkward.
I agree with you, though I think there also needs to be a balance. I'm assuming we're talking about close friendships here (if we're not, well, disregard this lol). I know that there are times when I've needed my ass handed to me by a friend who saw decisions or behaviours that I was engaging in that could very seriously alter the course of my life. In close relationships, I think we have a responsibility to be open and honest. But like you said, it is SO SO important to sit and listen. And I've found that we in America don't do that often.
brian- yes.
danielle- i've pretty much never needed to have my ass handed to me...i think you know this better than anyone except maybe bonnie.
first of all i'm stubborn and spiteful as shit meaning that if you tell me to do something, i'm damn sure to do the complete opposite. plus i have an enormous guilt complex that far outweighs any chastising i could get from my friends. but that's just me. other people could be totally different.
i really believe that no good comes out of judging people, or telling them that what they are doing is wrong. i really believe that good comes out of sitting down and getting someone to talk about how THEY feel about what they're doing, because chances are if it's something bad, they already know it and they'll work it out for themselves eventually. i think that's what the bible term long-suffering is about; sitting in the shit with someone until they're ready to crawl out.
I definitely agree with you there. I guess what I mean is that even asking questions, allowing/getting someone to talk about what they're going through is part of the process. Not just listening and going, "Well, thanks for sharing... see ya later."
I know that in our relationship, there are times when we've both said difficult things to one another in conversation and it's been beneficial.. at least, it was for me. :)
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